Not So Funny

She wasn’t funny. 

This is my opinion, and just like everyone else, we all have one.  Mine comes from an objective place; last week, I had no idea who Michelle Wolf was, nor do I support or have any life-altering disgust for the people whom she roasted. 

But… she wasn’t funny.

Now, you may be of the majority who disagrees with me, and that’s fine.  I bear no ill will against disagreements.  What I’m seeing is that the people who are throwing accolades at Wolf’s feet are the ones who are already so vocal against our simp of a President and his general political party.  Frankly, I found that she was no different than those she spoke against.  Sure, there was a Hillary joke tossed in to “balance” things out, but the slant was definitely at a hard right. 

Let’s break this down though - she came out explaining and almost even apologizing for what she was about to unleash, so she lost me right at the beginning.  “She was brave!”  Bravery is owning without justification.  With the exception of “you should have done your research,” the jokes weren’t anything I don’t read in my newsfeed every day – which is chock full of comedians so I was surprised to see a few of them label her as “original.”  The jokes were hack, and she came across as someone who was paid to read them aloud with no style whatsoever.  It’s not a plus that her biggest ally is the beyond-brash perpetual victim Kathy Griffin.  And I get that it is tradition to ‘roast’ the political climate, but I much prefer a smarter type of comedy.  It’s not a lowbrow audience or event, and my entire life I’ve been taught ‘know your time and place.’  Just because the other team sink beneath dignity doesn’t mean that we have to.

Now on the flip side, those claiming to be offended are likely putting on a good show because they walk on hot coals as it is; you don’t do that without some expectation of being burned.  And the fire wasn’t even that intense.  Mr. Rickles is probably groaning in his grave.  Making fun of someone’s eye shadow is not exactly an offense to start wars over.  If anyone’s ego is that sensitive, they should not be a public face in politics or any other arena. 

Really and simplistically, this entire dust up is just another opportunity to spread more hatred.  Not the comedian – don’t get me wrong.  She was paid to do a job, she did said job and it is well within tradition.  I am referring to us as a public.  We seize on every single moment of every single day to insult somebody about their choice in politics.  It is disappointing, because we should be better.  We used to be better.  I am so tired of the outright anger or the passive-aggressive attitudes that surround me.  “I encourage healthy discussion, BUT…!” and off they go.

As I understand, this used to be a decent and even anticipated tradition where everyone took a little heat, gave what they got and had a little chuckle at themselves as a whole.  So, is it time to retire it?  Could 45 actually be on to something?  Sure, it’s hypocritical to be the most insulting person on the planet and calling for peace, but maybe we need to look a little more at our own roles.

See, folks, this is why we can’t have nice things.  Because everything has to be so extreme.  Maybe when we get back to a middle ground we can inject funny again – but please, find a better comic to get us there.    

The Real American Way

"You cannot drive out hate with rage." - Joseph Pinion

Let's talk about America.

A year ago almost to the day, the nation got into an uproar because one man whom we had placed at celebrity status uttered a word that is used every minute of every minute somewhere, and suddenly we didn't like it.  This is where we are: we want change and we want it now.  We don't want to work for it though.  We'll yell, scream and stamp our feet all over the internet, we'll show up to the sudden resurgence of rallies and fly our hypocrisies like big, bright flags in the sky.  We'll condemn the world around us, refuse to own our part in it and fail to make change from within.

It's the American way.

The past few weeks have been exhausting.  I have friends in Vegas, and friends all over Napa and Sonoma counties.  Some walked away unscathed, albeit a bit frightened or disconcerted.  Then, on the wave of these tragedies, along comes the hashtag that became a gendered battle cry that was essentially a party that I wasn't invited to because I had a different interpretation. 

You see, we're all about inclusion... until it affects us in a personal way.  Then it becomes my way or the highway.  This isn't new.  We've always been birds in our flocks, but mostly because we didn't talk about all of this stuff with each other.  We waited until we could talk behind the backs of everyone we knew like proper neighbors do. 

We are so far removed from our beginnings, it's like a tragic comedy.  If only we had Shakespeare around to document all of it.  Oh, wait... he did that already.  He looked into the future of the world and gave us the perpetual script.  There are two books that rule this planet; the Bible, and the collected works of old Bill.  We broke up with the parents because we wanted to rebel, to be our own person and not live under tyranny.  I can't help but wonder how John and George and Tom would react to our current culture. 

Frankly, I think they'd call us a bunch of pussies.

Do I sound jaded?  I don't mean to portray only that.  It's taken me a long time to get to a place of balance - to not lose sight of the good despite the immense amount of bad.  That's actually what makes it so much sweeter.  I'm proud of my want to see all the shades of any issue at hand, because hate gets me nowhere.  As every day passes, however, it isn't so much our leadership that has me embarrassed - it's us, or U.S..  People do not rise to power all on their own.  We need to really examine how this came about and do it with some degree of impartiality and a smidgen of compassion. 

And we need to stopppppp being so damn angry with each other. 

I am not a "gender traitor" because I feel that everyone should be heard.  I am just fine with being a snowflake because no two crystals are the same.  If I'm a "libtard," then I guess I'm tard happy.  If I lean conservative sometimes, that's okay too because rules and policy aren't always a bad thing but can't they be instituted without malice?  Maybe I'm the commie that my husband jokes about.  And if I am ostracized for having a loud voice and a different way to seeing things, I'll be sad about it sometimes but then have to remember that differences are what bring the best of us together. They were not the best that I can do.

The America that I know is indeed the melting pot; we are made up of boys and girls and in between, we are loud and shy, racist and tolerant, gullible and greedy.  We worship sports and celebrity and let our teachers live in squalor.  We complain about the price of a movie or a song, until we're on the receiving end of the art and find ourselves telling others it's a small price to pay.  We are gay and we are ridiculously homophobic.  We are narrow minded while we beg to be understood.  We are rednecks and white trash and we are ghetto too.  We will step over the starving on our way to the fanciest eateries in the nation.  We are a people of hypocrisy, of creativity, of power and we are a people of irony.  This trying to neutralize everyone is a ridiculous absurdity.

I didn't want to go out today, to get out of my bed, get dressed and be in the world.  As I often do, I thought nobody would even miss me anyway.  Then I walked into one of my favorite haunts, and immediately Miguel came gliding over with a big smile and after exchanging hellos he said "you made my day just by showing up!  No kidding, I saw you walking in and thought there's my friend and it was like this great cap to the day."  He asked Jared to take care of me, and indeed he did.  Jared and I talked about big banks and little problems and mused why do people fight each other over the small things?  He even preached to me a little in a very unGod-like way.  "I subscribe to the surfer's philosophy; it doesn't matter where it comes from, or when.  All we can do is ride the wave."  He leaned in to whisper, "... and maybe smoke a joint to get us on our way.  Am I right?  You got to find your peace."  His laugh was warm and inviting, and reminded me why I choose to be in this space.

These people do more than bring me iced tea or tolerate my Sally-like food orders.  They make the lines at the store a little bit shorter, they make the post office not so dreary.  They wave a hello, they remember my name or they ask how they can help and don't always limit it to their work.  They share their lives with me, and they enrich mine.  I see them over the years grow up into people who change our world little by little. 

They're the fabric of my America. 

It's a love/hate thing, but I choose to accept every acre of it. 

Two Ears and Ten Fingers

There's an old guy sitting next to me, and he couldn't be more clichéd. I say that not as a judgment but an observation. There began a conversation between me, him and another  older lady about movies, and it morphed into his declaring he stopped going to #movies because "I go to be entertained, not to see political messages. I saw three movies in a row, and walked out on all of them. What was that one? Michael Moore? I just don't want to see it," to which my thought was then why did you pay to go see it? 

Further in, I'm likening it to the climate today of how we often go looking for a fight when it could actually be avoided. I did that myself just this morning as someone 'challenged' me on the road. 

I abandoned the conversation early on because I was watching the Vice News piece on the Charlottesville rally and it just got to the part where the car plowed into the crowd. I wasn't expecting to see that and it was shocking. I actually had to work at not crying in public.

I would pause now and then to hear what was being said next to me because the old guy was pounding the bar every so often so it was clear he was on a tear about something. He went through the usual tirades in systematic order; politics (the white people are not wrong), young people ("if I hear one more young person say 'I don't feel any passion for my job'..." and how technology has killed society), he gets harassed everywhere he goes (the bus, Safeway, TSA).

In the middle of all of this, this newer guy who has been working here comes over to introduce himself. "You're a part of my corner, every time I come around this side so I couldn't not say hello!" Turns out that for the past 20 years, he's been working at training rescue dogs for behavioral problems, saving them from being euthanized at the shelters. He came back to working as a server because he needs money to continue doing this work. I mentioned that I have friends who foster and train animals and remarked on what a good thing he's doing.

Then I come back to hearing Old Guy still going on., and she's looking a little like 'how did I get into this?' Now I'm thinking of how we have become such a society of extremism - either we're too encouraging of the younger generation by means of blind optimism or we tear them down by dismissing the things they stand for and dream of. Perhaps we've always been that way but I really believe it's stronger now. I could certainly hear it in the disdain of every one of Old Guy's words. The one thing I agreed with was how Twitter got saved in the nick of time by the madness of one man, because who doesn't like to watch a shit-show unfold in real time?

Then he stood to go, and says to the lady next to him "Thanks, this was really fun, getting to talk to you. I don't get to visit with people very often." and that was the most revealing thing he'd said all afternoon.

More than anything, isolation is what's brought us to this place. People feel so alone - detached or that they can't be their authentic selves. When they see an opening to engage, it becomes extreme in some way or another. We try to reach out to our own kind - those who validate some of what we feel, be it good, evil or nothing more than in between.

At the end of that documentary, I watched the main guy sit calmly and justify why Heather Heyer was killed. The woman interviewing him in the entire broadcast remained stoic at each thing he said. It's not something we see too often anymore; neutrality. It isn't that we shouldn't feel, it's that we should *think.* And ask questions. 

My question is ... would there be such global outrage if the person killed had been on the other side of the protest?

Most importantly, we need to listen when those questions are answered, whether it's what we want to hear or not.

The Sword of Freedom

I think we should accept that "Knee-Jerk" has become the new religion of Americans and be done with it.  Let's just own who we are and move on.

We've become this cesspool of reaction without any critical thinking and the result is chaos.  As long as we have determined what is "right," everything else is wrong. 

Now, let's take a look at the mess over in Charlottesville.  For the record; I am not in support of any message that came from that protest.  I think it's horrible that we are still dealing with such a divide of race after all this time.  What happens in Virginia most certainly does not stay in Virginia, however, as one man found out.  Cole White, who works for a populary eatery in Berkeley, was spotted at the alt-right rally and targeted by social media until Top Dog decided to cave and they fired him. 

Had they fired him because he'd called in sick to attend the rally, or had he been wearing a shirt with their logo or represented them in some other way, or even that they'd waited a minute to see that sales had declined or that they simply didn't like the way his hair was combed that day, it's California so by all means - fire him.  That's all allowable by law. 

However... what isn't legal in California is to fire someone based upon their political beliefs.  If White (ironic much?) wants to be a racist on his own time and outside of the uniform, he's allowed to be just that.  Unless there was a contract that in some way stipulates that this is against company policy, they are not necessarily in the right.

When I tried to point this out in my online commentary, I was immediately cyber-attacked by way of insults of all sorts, and woke to a shitstorm of rage that had gone on all night.  When they began to remark on my selfies, I knew I'd pissed some people off.  Rather than continue the battle, I just laughed at the comedic tragedy unfolding on the internet.  One guy said "Why are you defending this creep?  It's really pathetic of you."  to which I replied "No, what's pathetic is that that's the message you all took away from this."

And when we are right, everyone else is wrong.  There is very little room for grey in the red, white and blue. 

I made this analogy that only fanned the flames as being "incredibly superficial" and "idiotic":  'What if you went to a concert and your employer felt that the artist clashed with their values, so they fired you?  Would that be fair?'  No, but in California, it'd be legal.  It may seem a silly comparison but an accurate one.  Too many don't realize that the sword of freedom swings both ways.  When we want it to cut one person from where we want them to be, it can swing back even mightier and remove you from where you want to be. 

Rights are rights.  While we may disagree over the whole speech thing, we're all allowed the freedom of it - to some degree.  You can be angry that people want to brag about their whiteness or blackness or purple hair and tattoos, but they can be just as angry at you for drinking coffee that day. 

Maybe it's time we all stopped being so damned angry and started trying to resolve.

There are better ways to handle things.  It's a shame that Top Dog didn't take the opportunity to say "we support free speech."  Instead, they catered to politics and a particular demographic as opposed to supporting "for all."  Just like OJ shouldn't be denied parole based on a prior trial with an unpopular outcome, Cole White did not kill anyone and in fact, had participated in the same rallies right there in his own hometown previous to this.  Where was the outrage then? 

Never underestimate that the justice you want to dispense can easily be handed to you as well.  I hate to bring up "the slippery slope," but it is what it is.  Step back from that ledge and think before you find yourself sliding downhill fast. 

The Real Value of Customer Care

So, here’s a thing that just happened;  I was told by the GM of the movie theater I frequent that “if we aren’t meeting your standards, perhaps it’s time for you to find another theater.”  This was in response to my (semi regular) complaint that their employees do nothing to address the issue of patrons talking during the playing of any given movie, and when I asked for a refund last week, their shift manager – according to the assistant manager – “refused” to come out and speak with me.  That was the AM’s actual word, not mine.  When I said to the GM “I don’t think it’s an unreasonable standard to ask that you enforce a rule of no talking.  There’s even a thing you play on screen that says ‘put your phones away and no talking’ before every movie.”  He repeated to me, “We are obviously not meeting your standards, and I cannot continue to try.”

Okay, let’s look at this more closely.  In these current times, customer service has become a thing. Why is that?  Unarguably it is because of social media – the very tool that I am now using to tell my story.  We the customers have the power to record audio and video, to go online and type at the top of our lungs, to deluge the pages of the offending company with angry complaints and demands of resolution.  We are a litigious society that expects all offenses to carry a hefty price tag when we are wronged.

I’m actually not such a fan of this power, because as with anything else it has become an abuse.  The complaints aren’t always true or accurate and with videos we only see snippets of reality – I know how that works because I used to do sport video.  Not everything is as appears on camera.  In that, I won’t make a snap judgment against a company or anyone at all based on this.  I’ve also put in time working in retail, hospitality, research and I’ve been a business owner as well as I come from a small business family.  I understand what it’s like to be behind the counter, beholden to a company creed, to be the employee who is right but the customer is “always” more so, and to be shut down as a customer trying to get to the bottom of a problem.  At my first job in a prominent, independent fast food place, some guy came up to me completely irate that his footlong hot dog was not 12” long.  It was, according to him, about 4 inches short.  In the face of his anger, being all of 17 and new to this dealing with such people for $3.35/hr, I could only stand and stare before telling the owner’s son that he needed to deal with it.  Since then, when I complain to any public establishment, I ask myself is this a footlong complaint? and that guides me in how to handle it.

My typical MO is to seek out a manager, take them aside so as not to cause a scene in front of other customers, and explain my issue.  I will usually throw in “hey, I’ve been in your/their shoes, I get it” and explain that I’m coming to them rather than filling a generic corporate complaint at their website because corporations go by numbers, whereas most managers are willing to address things on a local level and the response is generally favorable, plus they can see I’m not just out to get something for free.  I will never eat an entire meal and then ask for my money back.  And when I may have behaved badly such as telling someone in a movie theater to shut the f*&$ up, I will ‘fess up to that too. 

This is my background to why I feel customer service is of utmost importance.  The customer is, in fact, not always right but hands get tied and mistakes happen and I look at it as if anyone wants my money, we both need to have reasonable expectations of standards and go from there.

Now here’s why I go to the movies as often as I do and why I frequent the same theater – at minimum, once a week, sometimes twice if hubby and I are having a date night.  I have a serious condition that can best be described as an allergy to the sun.  It’s rare to have it be as severe as what I experience.  When the Cinemark chain took over our local theater, I found they offered series of classic movies, a different one each week.  At the time, I was also going through some deep trauma and had become riddled with anxiety issues.  I found a place to hide away from the world for two hours in the middle of my week at a discounted price.  I hadn’t attended movies very much at all in the previous decade as a sort of protest to rising costs to pay for computer generated movies I never wanted to see.  As I was dealing with the stresses of my life, and my health was worsening, this became a highlight for me.  As I fell into a deeper depression, it actually became somewhat of a tether, a string to keep me attached to my life because you see, I had purchased the tickets in advance as a series.  I had to show up to the following week. 

This is what we call a lifeline, when dealing with depression.  For some, it’s having a pet to take care of, for some it’s a personal obligation that keeps us from jumping off of a bridge.  For me, not only did I create a routine of being places I might actually be missed, I also created obligations to get me through another day or a week or a year when I could look that far ahead.  These movies weren’t just my tether, they gave me one more thing to talk about on my social media and among friends.  They kept me from isolation.

I'm explaining this not to get anyone's pity, but as a reminder that things aren't always as they seem on the surface. 

To be told, after years of showing up and buying my tickets and investing in concessions even when I didn’t necessarily want or couldn’t afford the overpriced popcorn but giving it away to friends later because I knew this was where the movie house made their profit… to be told that a manager refused to speak with me and that my expectations of service were unreasonable – well, this put me in a bit of a tailspin of discouragement. 

Is this a footlong complaint?  It is now. 

Routines are important to me, and frankly I like this theater over the two other local options because unlike one of those, it is kept clean and unlike the other, the staff is more friendly and caring.  I will no longer say that about the management, but the ticket takers and the popcorn shovelers and the cashiers are always ready with a smile despite what they are subjected to on any given day. 

I’ve given my money and my loyalty and my positive remarks on my media feeds, and this is what I was given in return.  There is, of course, more to the story (see below) but that statement is, for me, what it boils down to.  And it’s disappointing at best.   Here’s hoping that Cinemark will somehow meet me in the middle and really listen to a customer.

UPDATE:  I wanted to follow up with this because I believe we should recognize when companies do good just as much, if not more, when they don't.  I did contact the corporate offices of Cinemark at the time of this posting.  I worked my way through the chain until I was placed in contact with Michael Wegner, Region Leader.  Mike and I had some candid conversations about customer service and the policies of the popular chain.  He then put me in charge of the new GM at my location of choice and speaking with him went much better than with the previous manager.  In the end, Cinemark stepped up to the plate and made a generous donation of movie passes to be featured in my annual Toys For Tots event (learn more here: The Bay Area Collective).  I am encouraged by their efforts and thankful for their giving spirit.  We all have the power to make things just a little bit better when we work together.

The Wonderful Vortex of Oz

I watched my first full length presidential debate tonight.  My first one.  So it only took me 45 years.  My husband remarked that this is one thing that Trump has done for the country; more people are paying attention than ever before. 

Okay, I’ll give him that one.

Though it wasn’t Trump who first got me to start clicking on the political headlines more than the pop culture ones.  It was Barack Obama.  The first time I ever heard of the guy was when he was giving some sort of speech saying that the people of America needed to do a better job of governing ourselves than we have been.  A bit of irony there, given Michelle’s hell bent need to determine the legality of what we can eat these days.  I feel as though we’re divided by parents – he’s the easy going chill dad and she’s the obsessive meddling mom. 

I wasn’t sure what to expect this evening.  I’m not on the side of either candidate, really.  One thing that Obama instilled in me, and I believe in many, is a hope for the nation that the majority will do the right thing.  Right now we’re caught in some pretty faraway places.  It’s like living in the land of Oz, and we’re having to decide between the blustering, deceptive Wizard and the wickedly misunderstood Witch of the South. 

Some things were a given; the delicious sound bites, the trademarked snarling at each other, the color by numbers body language.  At one point I was almost proud of Hillary when she placed her hand over her heart and brought her late father into play.  Classic emo move to play to those who want any reason to feel superior over The Donald.  The one tactic that I recognized immediately was how easily Hillary was able to bait Trump into his usual playground behavior.  Every time he barked, she just laughed.  It’s a style of goading that my brother used to do for the first two thirds of my life until I learned to beat him by simply ignoring him.  Donald Trump couldn’t ignore anything if he ever even wanted to.  The claim that he is so easily provoked by something as insignificant as a tweet isn’t untrue. 

Someone – I can’t recall the name – put it rather succinctly in saying that in tonight’s debate, one needed to prove she had a heart and the other needed to prove he had a brain. 

We’re having to choose between the lesser of two gigantic evils.  On some level, Hillary wants to do the right thing for America, but it’s similar to receiving useless trinkets and polite but meaningless gifts at Christmas.  They’re giving us what they think we should have, not what we actually want.  The exception in politics has been the last 8 years in which many strides have been made in civil liberties and a war that wasn’t his but an inherited responsibility.  If Obama could be elected for another term or three, I just might be persuaded to vote.  Trump, however, is so blatant in his egotistical power trip that people are dazzled into buying their own gifts, and they come with his name stamped right on them. 

I have no prediction to what’s going to happen this November.  My job isn’t to foretell, but to examine what is happening as it unfolds, and it’s been one hell of an eye opener.  I have talked with people on and offline from both camps and asked them many questions.  It’s fascinating to listen to both when I am on the side of neither.  It’s not quite the unobjective view, as if I were to choose between the two it sure as hell would not be Donald Trump.  I am not the 1 in 5 who may have been persuaded to change my opinion after having watched this 90 minute circus. 

What I can say is that I am not surprised by this uprising of the dark lord known as The Donald.  He speaks to people I grew up with, to the ones who are blinded by anger over everything they feel has failed in the United States.  They want a country that will be great again, and ignore the many of whom it was never great to begin with.  Ignorance – whether by IQ or attitude – is the real problem of America.  To quote a Dixie Chick, “it’s been a long time gone and it ain’t comin’ back again.” 

If we were to examine the difference in these campaigns, Trump has consistently brow-beaten any and all opponents and any who disagree with him, and he has fed on the fears of us all by shoveling it back at us with a shiny golden spoon.  Clinton may not be the likable sort and she’s taken her shots.  She had one thing right on the money tonight though:  “I think Donald just criticized me for preparing for this debate.  And yes, I did.  And you know what else I prepared for?  I’ve prepared to be President.”

Game.  Set.  Match.

She ain’t wrong, folks.  She’s been preparing for this moment from the moment she said “I do” to Billy Boy. 

So, America, how’s it going to be?  This land is your land, but this land is our land too.  Are you going to emanate the Cheeto Demigod and look only as far as your front door or your next paycheck, or are you going to take a look around and start helping each other up the ladder? 

Because the only way out of this mess is the way we got into it.  We need to take a look at how we’ve gotten to this place we are in.  It’s quite likely that we’re all so angry because it’s not an answer we want to examine so closely. 

Believe me.

The Wonderful Vortex of Oz

I watched my first full length presidential debate tonight.  My first one.  So it only took me 45 years.  My husband remarked that this is one thing that Trump has done for the country; more people are paying attention than ever before. 

Okay, I’ll give him that one.

Though it wasn’t Trump who first got me to start clicking on the political headlines more than the pop culture ones.  It was Barack Obama.  The first time I ever heard of the guy was when he was giving some sort of speech saying that the people of America needed to do a better job of governing ourselves than we have been.  A bit of irony there, given Michelle’s hell bent need to determine the legality of what we can eat these days.  I feel as though we’re divided by parents – he’s the easy going chill dad and she’s the obsessive meddling mom. 

I wasn’t sure what to expect this evening.  I’m not on the side of either candidate, really.  One thing that Obama instilled in me, and I believe in many, is a hope for the nation that the majority will do the right thing.  Right now we’re caught in some pretty faraway places.  It’s like living in the land of Oz, and we’re having to decide between the blustering, deceptive Wizard and the wickedly misunderstood Witch of the South. 

Some things were a given; the delicious sound bites, the trademarked snarling at each other, the color by numbers body language.  At one point I was almost proud of Hillary when she placed her hand over her heart and brought her late father into play.  Classic emo move to play to those who want any reason to feel superior over The Donald.  The one tactic that I recognized immediately was how easily Hillary was able to bait Trump into his usual playground behavior.  Every time he barked, she just laughed.  It’s a style of goading that my brother used to do for the first two thirds of my life until I learned to beat him by simply ignoring him.  Donald Trump couldn’t ignore anything if he ever even wanted to.  The claim that he is so easily provoked by something as insignificant as a tweet isn’t untrue. 

Someone – I can’t recall the name – put it rather succinctly in saying that in tonight’s debate, one needed to prove she had a heart and the other needed to prove he had a brain. 

We’re having to choose between the lesser of two gigantic evils.  On some level, Hillary wants to do the right thing for America, but it’s similar to receiving useless trinkets and polite but meaningless gifts at Christmas.  They’re giving us what they think we should have, not what we actually want.  The exception in politics has been the last 8 years in which many strides have been made in civil liberties and a war that wasn’t his but an inherited responsibility.  If Obama could be elected for another term or three, I just might be persuaded to vote.  Trump, however, is so blatant in his egotistical power trip that people are dazzled into buying their own gifts, and they come with his name stamped right on them. 

I have no prediction to what’s going to happen this November.  My job isn’t to foretell, but to examine what is happening as it unfolds, and it’s been one hell of an eye opener.  I have talked with people on and offline from both camps and asked them many questions.  It’s fascinating to listen to both when I am on the side of neither.  It’s not quite the unobjective view, as if I were to choose between the two it sure as hell would not be Donald Trump.  I am not the 1 in 5 who may have been persuaded to change my opinion after having watched this 90 minute circus. 

What I can say is that I am not surprised by this uprising of the dark lord known as The Donald.  He speaks to people I grew up with, to the ones who are blinded by anger over everything they feel has failed in the United States.  They want a country that will be great again, and ignore the many of whom it was never great to begin with.  Ignorance – whether by IQ or attitude – is the real problem of America.  To quote a Dixie Chick, “it’s been a long time gone and it ain’t comin’ back again.” 

If we were to examine the difference in these campaigns, Trump has consistently brow-beaten any and all opponents and any who disagree with him, and he has fed on the fears of us all by shoveling it back at us with a shiny golden spoon.  Clinton may not be the likable sort and she’s taken her shots.  She had one thing right on the money tonight though:  “I think Donald just criticized me for preparing for this debate.  And yes, I did.  And you know what else I prepared for?  I’ve prepared to be President.”

Game.  Set.  Match.

She ain’t wrong, folks.  She’s been preparing for this moment from the moment she said “I do” to Billy Boy. 

So, America, how’s it going to be?  This land is your land, but this land is our land too.  Are you going to emanate the Cheeto Demigod and look only as far as your front door or your next paycheck, or are you going to take a look around and start helping each other up the ladder? 

Because the only way out of this mess is the way we got into it.  We need to take a look at how we’ve gotten to this place we are in.  It’s quite likely that we’re all so angry because it’s not an answer we want to examine so closely. 

Believe me.

The Sit-Down Heard 'Round the World

I have spent the better part of the weekend apologizing to every friend of color that I have.  Most days of this past year, I have been embarrassed pretty much for the entire human race – I haven’t discriminated.  Even in watching the Trump support movement unfold, I have not discriminated.  After this weekend, I’m calling out the general white population for their lack of empathy, their blatant ignorance and rampant disregard for their fellow Americans.

It was the sit-down heard around the world.  As far as I’m concerned, it’s the greatest sit-down since Rosa Parks. 

Colin Kaepernick made a quiet choice to stand up – or take a seat – and express his feelings on a matter that has been plaguing our nation.  He said:

"There's people being murdered unjustly and not being held accountable.  This stand wasn’t for me. This is because I’m seeing things happen to people that don’t have a voice. People that don’t have a platform to talk and have their voices heard and affect change. I’m in a position where I can do that, and I’m gonna do that for people who can’t.” 

He didn’t make statements beforehand, there were no announcements.  He thought, and he acted peacefully, and he put himself at risk with his career because his felt that strongly about wrongdoings in our society, among his fellow humans.  If we are fortunate, every one of us has a moment in our lifetime that doing the right thing becomes more important than money or other consequences.

And now people have lost their collective minds over it.  He has been called every name in the book, many of them of a racist nature – thereby proving his point.  His actions were immediately declared a disrespect to military – further proving his point.  He has even been vilified as a “radical Islamic supporter.”  (that one wins the award for Most Ridiculous).  It is apples and oranges to say that he is committing offense to our military; the freedoms our soldiers fight and put their lives at risk for include the right to protest.  Even more ironic are the labels of "stupid," "idiot," "dumber than...." (take your pick), because most probably don't realize that he was a 4.0 student.  I could only laugh sadly at those dismissive "armchair quarterback" comments of "like that privileged asshole's ever been oppressed."  You really think that a mixed race adopted kid from the Midwest never experienced discrimination? 

Why is it every time that someone takes a stand for something, it has to be against something that is a far stretch away? 

Then everyone wants to throw in his salary, his upbringing, his color or lack thereof, and of course everyone thinks he should have done it their way.  Money doesn’t solve everything, so throwing his at it isn’t going to solve problems.  Using his celebrity to give voice to those who feel they have none – now that’s doing something.  And it worked.  While this was a personal decision, the media and social platforms did they do best; they bit.  And people are talking. 

This isn’t the first athlete to make a statement during a pivotal moment.  Think Tommie Smith and John Carolos during the 1968 Olympic ceremony.  How about the beloved Muhammad Ali? 

But according to NFL fans, Kaepernick needs to shut the hell up and do his job.  Well, he did.  He played the game he was paid to play, and has continued to do so.  The team management wasn’t scrambling to defend him until everyone went batshit crazy. 

The comments that I have been reading on all of the outlets, of people I know and don’t, have been so vile that it sickens me to be of the same species.  I’m not surprised because it’s a way of thinking that I grew up with, that I know too well.  I’m just disappointed that it seems, between Trump’s encouragement and the breakdown of political correctness – something I’m not always in favor of myself – it is most certainly not improving in any way.  We cannot have disagreements about politics without people resorting to name-calling and vicious personal attacks.  The internet only feeds the fire because for the non-celebrities, there are no consequences.  For Kaepernick, there were consequences, and he still chose to face them head on. 

It’s a statement that I have been making for years, in my own small way, regarding the National Anthem.  That line about “land of the free” has always been a stitch in my britches because only recently have we made more advanced strides in civil liberties, but still too many have those freedoms denied in various ways by fellow citizens, by the legal and economic systems, by ways some of us cannot even imagine.  Yet there is still just so much anger.  Every time I ever wanted to sit out the song, I didn't have the nuts because it was always in a very "patriotic" crowd.  And our ideas of patriotism have become quite twisted since that cold September day.

I have never liked anything about football.  It may be a brutal sport, but it’s also kind of a sissy one.  So much drama all the time for a bunch of guys grabbing on each other in shiny uniforms and always crying foul or amendments or whatever.  What I do love is an inspirational sports story, and I am a fan of sports heroes.

Right now, I am Colin Kaepernick’s biggest fan.

Your outrage says more about you than you think it does. I highly recommend that everyone - including myself - take a good hard look in their mirrors to see if we are putting in even one bit of the effort and courage that he has displayed, but more importantly – take a harder look at why we aren’t. 

Best comment I've seen so far:

A Turkey Rebellion

I am so tired of this trend over the last few years to hate on retailers for opening on earlier and earlier on Thanksgiving.  It's annoying, unrealistic, and just another thing to gripe about in America.

I saw a request on Facebook today to please boycott all shopping on the holiday in solidarity of protesting the "corporate greed" that is taking over.  I asked (and never received an answer from the poster), "Where the hell has the love been, the solidarity, for all of the workers who don't get days off based on turkeys, a child in a manger or hopping down a bunny trail?"  Medical, police, fire, restaurants, gas stations, truck drivers, those in the travel industry - these are drops in the bucket of those who make your world turn while you sit at home shaking your fist and hollering about businesses who exploit their workers and want to make a profit - but look at the bigger picture: brick-and-mortar stores are in a frenzy to stay alive and losing the battle.  These Black Friday sales are what carry them throughout the rest of the year.  Then there's that little question on any retail application; "Are you willing to work holidays?  Yes or no?"  Don't check yes and then be pissed when the game changes. 

I worked through many a holiday when I was younger, for various reasons.  Sometimes I wanted to avoid my family, other times I desperately needed the money so picked up the extra shift.  Maybe I wanted too for someone to be at home with their own family.  And sometimes it was because I had no choice. 

Over the years I've learned a few things, and that is how to manage life.  Just because the majority get to sit down to a Thursday feast doesn't mean you can't do it on a Friday.  Me?  I suck it up and suffer through what my family calls a holiday and celebrate for real on Saturday, when I can enjoy the company of my friends who have no family, had to work, or are willing to sit through a second turkey just to be part of my "I am thankful" gathering. 

I don't participate in Black Friday or venture out much over the long November weekend because it's my tradition to pull out the tree, put up the lights and gear up for the chaos of December.

So, while you're with loved ones and having a spirited rant about why Walmart is evil and every retailer should choke on their stuffing, while you're enjoying the parades, the football games and barely staying awake at the end of it all for the evening news, think about all of those ground workers, announcers, athletes, and all of the people behind the scenes who brought you entertainment or needed information who are not at home where you claim they should be. 

Better yet, take an hour out of your holiday to really appreciate those who are working and bring them a box of cookies, a jug of hot cocoa, or anything that puts your "solidarity" where your mouth is.  And be thankful that jobs are there to put a turkey on the table. 

I Am An American Girl

Well, I'm not going to lie. Yet again tonight I was unable to recite the Pledge as everyone around me stood and saluted just before the fireworks went off.   

 

This country was founded on some strong beliefs, but those have been sorely tested and twisted over time, by ratty politicians and narrow-minded people who have forgotten the key words that are recited every day but with hollow convictions: "with liberty and justice for all." We all shout a lot about freedom, yet so many in this country do not have the same freedoms that I do.  Many are convicted by fellow citizens for differing beliefs. That saddens me. but we are making progress.  

 

I wouldn't be an American Girl if I simply sat by, waved a flag in one hand, a firecracker in the other, and smiled, pretending for one day that we are all equal.  I choose instead to speak my truth and be thankful for the right... yes, the right... to say just about anything I damn well please.

 

And so, when this day of Independence passes over me, I will focus on that. We are an immature nation, but still better than most. When we do not provide better for our criminals than for our downtrodden, when all have the right to love another in the eyes of the law, when other worships are accepted as equal, when priority is placed on education and not celebrity, and when our militaries are not dying to fight battles not our own, I shall recite with meaning. Until then, I offer this hope for a better tomorrow for my country, and a better one the day after that.

 

 

 

Eyes Without A Face

Finally, there is a face. 

She caught my attention at the restaurant's bar with her funny comments that echoed my own.  Her name was Trudy, I think.  Or Judy.  A retired bookseller who overheard my chatter regarding my nerves in being ill-prepared to teach a class that night.  She encouraged me and we shared a few off-color jokes before she told me she was there alone because her 68 year old husband was in Boston preparing to run the marathon for the first time ever.  She didn't look old enough to be married to someone that age!  "Honey, I'm a walking Beatles song.  Lord, you probably have no idea what that means!"  Laughing, I gave her my card, asking her to stay in touch.  Her excitement at finding out I was a writer was contagious for that brief moment.  "I envy you so much, a teacher and a writer!  What amazing gifts you have to offer!"

I'm of the mind that every little dot in the universe is pre-connected before we ever came along.
 
This afternoon I was startled to hear a friend say "Such a shame about the bombings in Boston."  Then in skimming my Facebook posts, bits and pieces began to paint a tragic picture.  On this Patriots' Day, April 15th, the rockets' red glare came from the blood-spattered bombs bursting in air.  As the horror sank in of yet another terroristic tragedy thrust upon us, my thoughts drifted to the woman from the bar, and I thought of her husband. 

Finally, there is a face.

It was after the Arizona shooting of Gabrielle Giffords and many others that I spoke up on Facebook about the ignored problem behind these incidents.  We see the deaths of the innocent, but stare blankly at the face of the mentally ill who are behind the acts of violence that are coming more and more frequently.  The eyes of Jared Lee Laughner burrow into me still.  An acquaintance, Steve, messaged me privately in agreement with my observations and revealed his secret; his son had come home from war with PTSD, displaying such violent tendencies that they live in fear of someday turning on the news and finding it will be their son's face in the headlines. 

The Aurora Massacre touched close to me, as my beautiful cousin Emily lives in the area, as does my longtime friend Angie.  I stayed up all night waiting for them to check in on the site to know that they were not at a midnight showing of the new Batman movie.  As the news unfolded over the days to follow, I was deeply disturbed by the images of James Holmes.  It was after this that I messaged Steve back with how I thought of him and his son every time some new calamity exploded upon us, and that I wished I could find the words to put forth that would raise our tolerance, promote forgiveness, and stop the wildfire of hate that runs rampant among us. 

Do I cheer on those behind the killings?  No.  I cry a little inside every time I think of Brenda Ann Spencer, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, Seung-HuiCho, Laughner, Holmes, Adam Lanza, and all of those lost to us at their hopeless, mind-bent hands.  Senseless?  No, I don't believe that.  Everything is with reason - how can we learn otherwise?  How do we learn forgiveness, redemption, even joy without despair? 

 

 

And when will we begin to see the faces?

My friend Kevin said to me today, as speculation seeped into the media, "Whoever they are, they are Evil with a capital E."  My answer:  "What defines the line between evil and mentally fucked up?"

We don't yet know if this was an act of terrorism or another somebody clawing their way into their 15 minutes, but as a society we are breeding these people, in our nation and in our world with our hate upon hate.  Self-righteousness that we could not commit such acts will only get us as far as a blood-stained bible left on an empty pew.  When was the last time you saw the face of someone reaching out to you for help?  Or did you turn a blind eye to the freak with the orange hair or the deranged guy sitting in the back of the room?   

The names come and go briefly in our minds, but I keep a photo of Jared Lee Laughner on my hard drive, because I never want to forget the gravity of what the human mind is capable of in times of darkness.  I forced myself to watch the footage of the man with two severed legs being tended to today by emergency workers, because I need to keep within me the suffering of people outside of me. 

I am desperately hoping that the funny Beatlesque woman who championed what I do will see this, and that her husband comes home to her safely.  Finally, I found the words.

Because finally, there is a face. 

 

 

(c) Kymberlie Ingalls, April 16th, 2013

 

Going To The Dogs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNyY3NSZezo

We have entered Bizarro Land.  There's no turning back when Fox News' Bill O'Reilly actually has a point in his pocket, and at the expense of fellow conservative Michele Bachmann no less.

The United States is a land of excess, a land of waste, and the purple mountains are rapidly turning shades of stark reds and icy blues.  We have taken what was once a million scenes of glory and are destroying our lush resources. 

This is what we do.  

Power to the people!  And whoever has the most power wins.   

Bachmann has thrown her aimless dart at the supposed excess lifestyle of President Obama and his family.  If she wanted to shove examples down our Godless throats, she could have gone any number of ways, but chose instead to bring "statistics" from an unknown, unsourced book.  What is wrong with people in the spotlight that they can't be bothered to back up what they sling?  Yes, we all have opinions.  I'm guiltier than most of tossing mine out to the wide web.  I'm not stating it as fact, however, and this is the mistake our lady Michele makes time and again.  When has President Obama excessed any more so than previous Chiefs? 

What is wrong with us that we support people like her, put them into office with every election, as our corner of the world crumbles around us?  Too many of us are down and out, and like Rocky Balboa we need a serious comeback.  Toby Keith heralded us into victory after 9/11, but it was a fleeting togetherness painted on a flimsy patriotic canvas. 

Our society is government-run, but has become completely ineffective in its power.  Few people really receive the help they need.  They are sent to stand in lines, fill out paperwork that too many can't even read.  or disregarded completely like litter on the street that we want to ignore, while we go on in our blind ambles to spend money we don't have, shove too much food in our bellies and judge those we do not know. 

Isn't our country just the bestest like that?  Yes, we have it better than so, so many.  But at what cost?   How many of us put a price tag on our souls and sold it at the nearest Nordie's?  I wish people would wake up to the disrepair we are in, not just economically but humanly too.  Really take a look around, but use our hands as well as our eyes. 

I'm no saint, but I know the difference between what is right, and what is just absurd.

 

 

(c) Kymberlie Ingalls, March 23, 2013

 

 

(c) Kymberlie Ingalls, March 23, 2013